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Never Let the Haters Get You Down: Advice from Hot Dog Helen

Updated: May 20, 2023

a satire piece by Hot Dog Helen with Scott Roos

*photo courtesy of Deanna Roos and Contingent Colours Photography

It's been a few months since Voices of the North produced the digital edition of their annual show and, by all accounts, it essentially went off without a hitch or glitch. That is, except for one performance. A woman in a hot dog suit came out and began to sing "Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles but, unfortunately, her performance was promptly shot down by the show's producer LJ Tyson.

"We had planned the Hotdog to perform a medley of Celine Dion's greatest hits. She was be to lowered from ceiling with the opening lyric 'there were nights when the wind was so cold'. So you can imagine our surprise when she told the band last minute behind my back that SHE would sing 'Black Velvet' by Alannah Myles," commented Tyson in a statement provided to NSMZ.

The Hot Dog, who we have since learned is named Helen would not go into much detail about the incident.

"Due to an ongoing legal dispute I cannot comment," stated Helen, "But I am in talks currently to return next year."

"The lack of respect and unprofessional attitude of the hotdog gave me no choice but to take her out of the show. Although she is a crowd favourite, this is not the type of behaviour our show endorses," added Tyson.

In the meantime, wherever the truth may lie when it comes to this unfortunate misunderstanding, NSMZ has secured Helen for a monthly advice column. This edition, we asked Helen to comment on dealing with adversity since, in the wake of the issues she has had with Voices of the North, it seemed timely. Please keep in mind that the the opinions expressed within this column are solely those of Hot Dog Helan and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of NSMZ.


Hi, I’m Hot Dog Helen and I am here to share some advice. There comes a time in every performers career when one is faced with adversity. Don’t worry, I am here to help!

First of all, let’s talk about rejection. Never let the haters get you down. Rise above. You are amazing. When you are rejected, just know the people rejecting you are jealous of your talent.

Secondly, let’s touch on live performances. When you hit that stage you have to be prepared to give it your absolute best. Leave it all on the stage. You have to engage and captivate your audience.

Lastly, never doubt yourself. You have to be confident and know that you are a star. I know that it can be hard for some performers to have self-doubt. That is not a problem I deal with for obvious reasons because I am amazing but I know others do. If you take my advice, you could be almost as good as me. Good luck with performing and I wish you the best in your career.


Hot Dog Helen

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